Tears and Cuddles.
Evening!
So I’ve come to the end of my two days off and I’m taking stock. It’s been full of ups and downs and one major down which I’m still reeling from to a certain degree and thought I’d share it with you.. and for once it isn’t just a petty annoyance! Bet you’re glad of that aren’t you?
Yesterday was pretty fun and had a nice day out with Mum to Bath. Unfortunately I discovered that my stationery mojo was no-where to be found… I was hoping to find a nice little out of the way Stationery Shop like the old one that used to be there but has since closed down. But no matter how hard we looked we couldn’t find one so we ended up going to WHSmiths. Boo. I bought some folders, one for each subject and in three of my favourite colours (black, silver and PURPLE :D) and a nice Parker Ballpoint pen but to my dismay they only had blue ink (boo!) so I had to buy some black refills for it to swap out the blue one :) so I’m pretty much kitted out with the basics. If I need anything else then I’ll have to get that when the time comes. We didn’t hang around for very long cuz neither of us could think of anything else we wanted so we hopped onto the bus that takes the long ass trip to Cribbs Causeway. It’s a nice journey through countryside and little villages until it hits Bristol by way of Cherry Gardens… I’ve always liked the sound of Cherry Gardens but apparently there aren’t any Cherry’s left there anymore :( SAD TIMES.
We popped into Jessops to say hello and get hugs off people :) its nice when we can just nip in and see people without having all the usual shit dumped on you and everyone seems to love my mum which is always a bonus :) probably becuz she’s spent money on them at some point but still, lol. Then we went to Preview for ALL YOU CAN EAT which always deserves to be in capitals as its wonderous.. I really need to pace myself more though becuz I tend to eat lots in the first trip up and I feel that I tend to waste my £5.95 because I’m not having to be carted out on an ambulance stretcher by the end of it and that just wont do :D I actually had soup this time.. which was nice if a bit ‘Out of the Tin’-ee, if you know what I mean. The mandarin (sp?) cheesecake was as nice as ever, with ice-cream, a slice of chocolate chip sponge and a healthy scoop of smarties on top :D *pokes belly which wobbles disgustingly*
I was a little bit apprehensive about today.. we were due to go and FINALLY see my little cousin, William, who was born a couple of weeks back and I was the only family member (on ALL sides of his family) yet to have a cuddle with him. I was looking forward to that but it was decided that we should go and see Grandma on the way to Yate. My Grandma has Alzheimer’s and has been in a Care Home since the beginning of the year as it wasn’t safe for her to be in her flat anymore but since she moved there she’s deteriorated quite quickly and all of a sudden she couldn’t recognize anyone (except for Dad, Uncle Rob and presumably, my Auntie) and I couldn’t bear to go and see her anymore. When she used to come round to our house she’d occasionally have one of her ‘moments’ - for example, if she was asleep and there was someone shouting on the TV, maybe getting a bit boisterous, then she’d wake up suddenly and be really scared cuz she thought someone was shouting at her or she’d been seeing things.. sometimes they were just faces smiling at her or sometimes she’d see dead bodies and thought she’d killed someone - it was scary because I wouldn’t know how to deal with it but you’d offer to take her home and she’d be snap out of it because she knew her home and she felt safe there and she’d be Grandma again.
But recently I went to see her and she’d smile politely and say hello when Dad said, ‘look, mum, it’s Squish’ but she didn’t know who I was. In the last week or so, Uncle Rob has been convinced that she was reaching the end (or ‘on her way out’ as he put it), at first we put it down as Uncle Rob over-exaggerating but they called the Doctor out yesterday and he said (god knows how he actually knows) that he believes we are right.. there is nothing wrong with her physically but her brain has reached the point where it’s forgotten how to be hungry and take care of itself so she could go most of the day without wanting to eat so its shutting down completely. So Mum and Dad decided to go and see her on the way to my cousins.. mum said I could sit in the car if I wanted to but I didn’t feel right about that - if I avoided going at all then thats fine but to be there and not go in just didn’t feel right.
To be honest, I wish I had. She was still in bed, curled up like a baby and there is almost nothing left of her. She couldn’t wake up and would mutter something when someone said something to her but she couldn’t open her eyes. As soon as I saw her, I just retreated to the back of the room and looked at everything but her.. I couldn’t look at her, I couldn’t talk to her. I just wanted to cry. I fidgeted so much that they decided that maybe it was best if we left but just as we were about to my Uncle turned up and we had to stay with him a bit. They kept asking me to talk to her but I just sat there and shook my head… I couldn’t do it :(
My parents aren’t the best at reading me. They never ask if they think I’m upset or down about anything but today was the first time. Dad wanted to go back after we’d seen William and gone shopping but I had told mum that I had a headache and she told Dad that they would go back tomorrow because it was distressing me too much. I love my Mum.. I didn’t want to have to sit in the car or beg them not to take me back. I don’t think I can thank her enough for that.
I was feeling miserable and really didn’t feel like going to see William but a very wise friend of mine said that I’ve got many happy memories to make with the coming generation and to see the symbolism between the young and the old will help and he was spot on. William is ADORABLE and weighs a ton compared to his cousin, and my Goddaughter, when she was his age. They very kindly gave him to me when he had already started crying and he must have felt that I was a bit unsure because he started screaming the house down.. in comes Mum to rescue me again and she managed to settle him down enough for him to fall asleep something my Auntie, William’s Grandmother, couldn’t do.. smugness+25.. so after he was settled she gave him back to me and I was able to cuddle him for nearly an HOUR :D he kept snorting and reaching his arms out in his sleep and he even farted on me at one point, lol. I don’t usually hold with babies but when they’re “your own” its completely different.. he doesn’t make me want to have one of my own but I think I can handle my friends and family having them :D I’m hoping being a boy that he’ll want more to do with me and Paul.. we can take him out and play catch or have a kick around and it’ll be great :) I can’t help chuckle when I think what would happen if he turned out gay.. could I take him for his first pint in the Q/- or would that be a little weird? LOL.
This evening the wife, Makka-Lakka-Ding-Dong, came round and we made a playlist for the St Davids daytrip at the end of month :D we needed to make at least 6 hours worth of playlist and we managed to do it.. took a while but we got to listen to a few tunes and take the piss out of each others taste in music. We had to download quite a bit because we kept thinking of songs we liked that I didn’t have. I finally downloaded ‘Everybody’s Talkin’ - The Beautiful South’ which is cover but its from the Digital switch over adverts… I’ll upload it after this.. have a listen and see what you think!
I’ve decided to post a little tribute to Grandma at some point, if thats okay? I’ve made a list of things that I remember most about her.. things we’ve done and stuff thats happened to her. I don’t know when I’ll do it but I’m going to.
Anyway, later ‘gator!
Squish.
